Shadow of a Man
by Rose-Wisteria
Summary: Mizuho is a world where men train and women cook, where those of the opposite sex rarely speak and, where thoughts of love are forbidden. Sheena isn’t in this conservative culture. She has seen a man’s shadow.[For Sheelos Revival Month of February Fic 1]


**Note to Readers: **Looking back at this website, I have spent a majority of my fanfiction "career" in the Tales of Symphonia section since July 2004 with my first and the site's first Sheelos fanfiction "A Separate Link". Now, I am moving on to more serious writing and into the main fiction writing business. However, I feel that it is plain cruel to all my fans over the years to not receive a goodbye before I leave. I am planning on writing this one-shot and a couple more if possible for this month of February to help revive the Tales of Symphonia section and the Sheelos pairing as a whole. This might be my last pieces of fanfiction writing before I leave the Tales of Symphonia fandom. From now on, if I ever update, it will only be my two unfinished multiple-chapter fanfics and the occasional one-shot (quite unlikely). Other than that, any writing from me will definitely be in the "The Sheelos Sisters" account. I am praying that the section will revive, even after I leave. As for this account, I might be moving on to a different section or I might not write fanfiction again. But I want to say _something_ before I leave. So… thank you everybody! Thank you so much!

**Summary: **Mizuho is a world where men train and women cook; where those of the opposite sex rarely speak to one another; and where thoughts of love are forbidden. Sheena isn't in this conservative culture. She has seen a man's shadow. (For Sheelos Revival Month of February #1)

**Dedication:** The Sheelos Sisters, WhiteRose, and DarkStarFire. Thanks for participating in this Sheelos bombardment with me. Hopefully, others will join as well!

* * *

_**Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more.**_

_**-Erica Jong**_

_**Shadow of a Man**_

_**By Rose-Wisteria**_

"Have you ever tried mixing whip cream, ice cream, hot fudge, chocolate sprinkles, candy, and cereal in the same bowl and then, eating it?"

I shifted my eyes from the two delicate chopsticks in between my fingers to the smiling, enthusiastic face of the Chosen of Mana. I blinked my dark eyes a couple of times unconsciously in thought. Then, I shook my head and returned my attention to my beef soup.

"Who has?" I asked.

"Then you haven't lived life yet!" the Chosen declared.

Flinging his arms out dramatically, the Chosen twirled on his feet and then, stopped abruptly and winked flirtatiously. I gazed at the carefree expression of his arms up to the loose movement of his jaw. His footwork was careless and unrefined, yet also graceful and serene. The Chosen darted to the kitchen cabinet and took out multiple bottles and containers. A devious smile traced his lips. His ocean-blue eyes lingered on the project before him. I kept one eye on my breakfast and one eye on the constant up and down movement of his two arms. Every now and again, I heard a splat or a squirt but every time, he would give me a reassuring, optimistic look.

In the matter of ten minutes, the Chosen stood across the table from me with a large bowl in his arms and a gleeful grin on his face. Catching this expression on his face, I cautioned myself to what lied in that innocent china container. By the power of curiosity, I allowed him the pleasure of my eyes wandering inside his pot of surprise only to find brown-colored syrup with cereal and colorful candies on top. My mind conjured up names of various dipping sauces from Mizuho while his silence tormented me by keeping the answer to himself. At last, I yielded to this amusing game of his.

"What is it?" I asked in a serious tone.

"What is what?" the Chosen played the simpleton.

Losing my composure somewhat, I tried again, "What is that… brown stuff?"

"What beautiful language you have there, Miss Mizuho Representative," the Chosen teased.

Feeling redness creeping into my cheeks, I tore my eyes from the syrup and to the nearest wall. The Chosen sensed my discomfort somewhat and tried to apologize in a clever manner. I did not return my attention to him, out of irritation. I hated it when someone did not take me seriously. When I talked to a person in a solemn matter, I expected them to give me the same kind of treatment. It had always been like this in Mizuho. This Chosen was the first one yet to learn this lesson.

"Try it," the Chosen said at last.

"Are you asking me to eat this unknown substance that can potentially kill me?" I asked incredulously.

The Chosen emitted a vulgar laugh. "If it kills you, I'll pay you back."

"You can't pay back a life," I retorted crisply.

"Take a chance. It won't kill you. I promise."

Still looking uncertain, I stared at the brown substance in the bowl in front of me. The Chosen lavished this triumph by mentally dancing in his twinkling blue eyes and even poked fun at me by handing me a spoon. I felt tensed. This reminded me of a certain treatment back at Mizuho. If a person were to tell an unforgiving lie or break a promise, the punishment was to swallow a thousand needles. In this case, that spoon Chosen gave me to urge me on was like that box of needles another citizen from the village gave to that liar to swallow. Retaining my coolness, I accepted the spoon and proceeded to picking a spoonful of the mixture. Even if I had second thoughts about this, the minute I locked eyes with the Chosen, I knew I had no choice but to yield.

I dumped the muddle in my mouth. I tasted it.

"Whatever will be, will be. Right Miss Mizuho Representative?" the Chosen asked mindlessly.

"Chosen…"

"_Zelos_," the Chosen corrected smoothly.

I sighed. "Zelos, what did I eat anyway?"

"Something I invented when Sebastian and the cook were on vacation," the Chosen answered.

Leaving the answer at that, I returned my eyes to the bowl and much to his surprise, I continued gobbling down spoonfuls of what he made. I had no idea what he mixed together. I could only assume it was the ingredients he mentioned earlier. Despite what this unknown substance was, I found myself intrigued by this flavor I never tasted before back in Mizuho. This new experience touched my taste buds and soul more than anything before. At the end, I stared in awe at the empty bowl and fallen spoon in front of me. From then on, my life had changed.

* * *

Sitting in a sheltered house in the forest, I sat near the window with my arms wrapped around my knees and my thoughts on that single day that changed my life forever. It was hard to explain even to myself. For those who did not know the Mizuho culture I endured for the few first years of my life, they would not understand why that day when I accepted that spoon and took my first bite in Zelos's ice cream mix stood out so much. Life back in Mizuho was nothing like the life in Meltokio. In Mizuho, men and women rarely spoke to one another. The reason was because the men usually trained or worked out in the fields while women usually cooked or worked out in the gardens. With this fixed schedule every day, the citizens of Mizuho learned how to live in this Igaguri style. They could not see themselves trying anything new or different from the normal.

For me, I also followed this style for a long time. I learned how to cook, to do laundry, and to do gardening. Other than that, I also learned plenty of the men's work as well. Because I was the only exception to the rule due to my abilities as a summoner, I had to learn how to sneak around and use the various weapons of a ninja. Although my lifestyle was altered somewhat, I still followed the usual customs of obedience, secretiveness, and conservatism. I did exactly the same routine as everyone else. I had the same thoughts as everyone else. Mizuho was a place where freedom of expression and freedom of speech were forbidden. I did not know the meaning of taking a risk. It was not a term I was used to. Most of all, it was not a term taught in Mizuho.

Therefore, when I sat in that dining room in the Chosen's house that day, I took the first step outside that shadow I called Mizuho. That mix of ice cream and fudge was my first taste of a little something called a risk. The elders and Grandfather never taught me this back in Mizuho. The excitement… the thrill when someone tried something outside of his or her normal was addicting.

Once before, during that incident with Volt, I took a chance to give my village electricity but failed and killed a quarter of my village. If a person underwent such a traumatic event, that person would hide in his or her shell forever. I did that for so long. I never dared took a risk again. At the thought of stepping away from that shadow that bind me to my village, I shivered and retreated. However, when that cold ice cream touched my lips, I had completely seen something other than my village's shadow. I saw my own shadow stretching far away. I saw Zelos's shadow as well. It was beautiful.

Years later, Zelos continued to remind me that him and I used to date. And we did. I just didn't want to admit it because it would have boosted his huge ego. Whenever Zelos reminded me this, he always said I had weak taste to choose him for a first crush. It sounded so unlike him to say this. Usually, he would flash his arrogant smile and boasted how perfect and handsome he was. But when we're alone, he liked to reflect what a horrible decision I made to date him because this was how he truly felt. He saw his title of Chosen as a curse, not a blessing. I, myself, thought the complete opposite. I never regretted the decision, even after we broke up. It was a risk. I took a risk in choosing the person I liked for myself and even if it ended horribly, I still remembered the courage I had when I moved out of the shadow surrounding me for years. There was a lot of courage and anticipation in it.

For me, comparing a risk to me was like comparing the world outside the mansion to Zelos for the first time. This feeling was unexplainable, and unwritten. There were so many emotions in that single moment in time. For example, a person trapped in his or her own world for so long would one day rise and say out loud, "I want to change!" Out of the millions of people in this world, there were countless people who would live life for so many years without this realization. And when they eventually realized this, people were either too late or too lazy to do anything about it. I was a fortunate one. I found my message early, even if it came from a bowl of ice cream and fudge.

However, I made a mistake from then on. My life started to be full of risks instead. I wanted it that way. I was addicted to this new overwhelming feeling. From that date on, I made a lot of other risks but the most noteworthy one was actually picking up the courage and agreeing to travel to a whole new world, one that was in decline nonetheless. It was frightening for the first few days. How could anyone possible get used to a totally new environment within a day? But every time I thought that by my hands, I would strike down the Chosen of Sylvarant and save my own world of Tethealla, I renewed my desire to go through with this goal all the way. Plus, Corrine was with me. Of course, things did not turn out exactly how I planned but nevertheless I continued to risk my life over and over again, especially when I had to confront Volt a second time.

"After this path around the mountain, we should be back in Tethealla," Zelos informed me. His words broke through my thoughts. I quickly looked up at him with startled eyes. Blinking, Zelos jerked his brows upward and stared at me with some interest. "What is up with you, voluptuous hunny?"

"It's raining," I said mindlessly, looking out the window.

"It started a few minutes ago," Zelos said. "Where have you been?"

"Reflecting," I answered softly.

"About?"

"Life," I said with a soft life.

Zelos caught on and laughed as well. "You have too small of a brain to do that!"

"Quiet, stupid Chosen," I blurted my usual line.

Zelos rubbed his chin and leaned back against the wall. Glancing at me several times, Zelos started to laugh again and shake his head over again. "What about life then?"

"You think I will actually tell you personal information like that?" I asked, almost jokingly.

"You can be generous sometimes," Zelos said with some amusement written on his face.

"Never mind that. Do you think I did a good job as the Emissary of Peace?"

"Probably better than the Emissary of Death!" Zelos chuckled. I frowned and glared in his direction. Waving away my indignation, Zelos carelessly brushed his hand through his fiery hair and continued. "It's true, isn't it? You couldn't kill our sweet angel Colette right?" I flicked my eyes out the window again, a bit annoyed at his thoughtless words. Sensing my irritation, Zelos stretched a hand out and clasped my shoulder. "By the way, I'm glad you didn't." I gave him a second chance and returned my attention. "Or else, we wouldn't be this close now."

Blushing slightly, I shrugged off his hand and said, "You and your faulty logic."

Suddenly, Zelos pulled on a serious face, as if it were a change of mask. "You've been quiet for sometime, ever since our journey back to Tethealla," Zelos observed. "I know you, Miss Banshee. You talk and hit and talk and hit. It's hard for me to see you so quiet and… reflecting."

"Are you being sincere?" I asked in a mocking voice.

"Hey now," Zelos said with a pout. "I am trying to be nice for once."

I snorted. "You're a riot."

"Come on," Zelos whined. "You can tell me."

"Let's eat some ice cream."

"What?" Zelos almost fell backwards. "In this weather?"

"Why not?" I asked, standing up.

"Are you sure you're not pregnant or something, my voluptuous hunny?" He received a quick slap before I went farther inside to find the owner of the house. Zelos watched me go and talked loud enough for me to hear. "Why you go slapping me for? Crazy mood swings!"

Soon enough, I found the kitchen and the owner. Before I know it, I was standing next to the kitchen counter and scooping ice cream out of the container. Licking my lips, I dumped spoonful of the delightful dessert into two bowls. Then, I went in search of some syrup and various other ingredients. I picked out whatever I liked from the kitchen cabinets after asking the owner first. Feeling a bit childish, I played with the idea of cherries and strawberries before adding them to my masterpiece. I could hear my companion in the other room, whining about the rain getting his pants wet. I felt a ghost of a smile on my lips at these amusing sounds.

To tell the truth, I really did not want to talk to Zelos about my thoughts about the various risks I took in my life because of him. The biggest risk of all, I believe, was me loving that idiotic Chosen for a second time. When a woman went through a rejection like I did in the past, she learned not to love the person who rejected her in the first place, a second time. I thought this was all very ironic. First, I always called him an idiot, when I was the real idiot around here. Second, Zelos was the one who told me to take a chance and risk it and now, I was risking everything to love again… to the same person nevertheless!

I stirred the colors of red and white together in those two bowls and rejoiced at the sudden glow of the pink richness that awaited me. To add to that, I picked out cereal, candy, and chopped carrots for fun and created a smiling face out of them. I laughed and used my spoon to destroy the portrait before I entered the living room. There, Zelos waited for me.

"Oops," I called. He gave me his full attention. "I accidentally stepped on your shadow."

"Very funny," Zelos said with a shake of his head.

Sitting down next to him and eating my bowl of ice cream and everything else in it, I admitted that the cold taste on my buds never felt so alive before. Although I regretted adding the carrots, the creation I made overall was pretty delicious. Glancing at Zelos to find out his opinion, I almost jumped up in joy mentally when I saw him finishing his bowl faster than me. After Zelos took both our bowls back to the kitchen and came back, we sat side by side under the doorway to the raining world outside. The raindrops dripped down the rooftop and against my index finger. I examined the pure liquid before I wiped it against my thumb.

"This is our last day together, isn't it?" Zelos asked suddenly.

I started playing with the rain and turned my full attention to him. "You know that better than anyone. You are the one who said that we only have one road left around the mountain."

"After traveling together with Lloyd and the others and now by ourselves to Sylvarant as Emissaries, I feel like I matured a bit. Don't you think?" Zelos asked, peering up at me.

I allowed a soft laugh to escape my throat. "Are you sure about that?"

Zelos could not help but laugh as well. It was the rain and the late hour getting to us both. "When you were in that kitchen, I did some reflecting myself."

"Really? You?" I asked with an exaggerated gasp.

Zelos chuckled again. "I realized that we actually have known each other for a long time."

"Too long I think," I added.

Zelos ignored me and continued, "But to think, like every journey, our adventures together must end."

I bit my lip at this realization too. "I guess so."

"No funny remarks?" Zelos inquired. I rolled my eyes. Meeting his solemn face, I hurriedly stopped and paid closer attention to his words. "I hate goodbyes though. I hate it very much."

"Because of your Mother?" I asked softly.

"Not just that," Zelos said with a shake of his head. "I simply hate being lonely. I don't want to feel that again. Do you know what I mean?"

I blinked. "I understand. I hate it too."

"Then…" Zelos leaned over to me, much to my surprise. "Wouldn't it be best not to say goodbye?"

"Zelos!" I cried in shock. "What idea are you cooking up?"

Sighing, Zelos removed his close presence from me and went back to staring at the wet ground in front of us. He lazily moved his leg around. Suddenly, he straightened his back and gazed at me straight in the eye. I unconsciously scooted away.

"Let's move to Sylvarant together," Zelos said confidently. I dropped my jaw. "We can live with Colette and Lloyd in Iselia!" Zelos took a hold of my hands and held them tight in between his. "We can make this work, Sheena! We will never be apart again!" Zelos flung his arms around me and embraced me. Much to my surprise, I hugged him, even tighter. "We won't have to say goodbye! We can help the world become a better place! Wouldn't that be great?"

The very next second, I felt some loose tears in my eyes. I had never felt so happy before. I thought that if Zelos and I wanted to live together, it did not matter when or where. This was what risking everything for love was all about. This was the ultimate risk I longed for so long. Every step, every risk, and every road I took were to come to this goal. This was exactly where I hoped to be at this time in my life… to be married to the person I loved the most and live a happy life. Plus, with Colette and Lloyd, we could work extra hard together to make the world a better place. First, we would change Iselia. Then, we would change the rest of the towns and cities in Sylvarant. If we worked hard enough, we might be able to change Heimdall even!

Smiling, I saw my shadow and Zelos's shadow together, side by side for the rest of our lives. Our influence and our teamwork would stretch far and wide. Even after defeating Mithos, the world was far from perfect. With every little step and little effort, the world would become a better place in no time. Soon, people would accept half-elves for who they are and accept Zelos as someone more than a Chosen. Soon, children would be able to sleep without being afraid of either monsters or poverty. Soon, the Mana of the world would grow and develop into greater technology for the future. There was so much fixing in the world that could be accomplished if Zelos and I were to do it together.

At that next moment, something fell out of my pocket. Releasing Zelos, I picked it up, stared at it, recognized it, and lastly, pocketed it once more. Suddenly I noticed my own shadow on the ground.

"No," I said softly.

"Sheena?" Zelos asked, worried.

I shook my head sadly. "No, I cannot. I am sorry."

"But… But why?" Zelos stuttered, shocked.

"Because my shadow doesn't reach that far," I answered with a grim look on my face.

From the look on Zelos's face, he didn't have a clue what I was talking about. "What is this about?"

I clutched my half of the golden spider in my pocket. "I took so many risks. I left the security of my village countless times. I broke so many of the village's rule. Heck, I even brought outsiders inside the village!" I tried to laugh. Zelos did not say anything. After my lonely laughter died down, I placed my head against the doorframe. "Despite everything, I love everyone in that village with my entire heart. Don't you see Zelos?" I felt some joyful tears in my eyes. "I want to change Mizuho! I want to bring back everything I learn to the village! I cannot move forward and leave my home behind!"

"Is it because you're the successor?"

I shook my head. "It doesn't matter to me whether I am Chief or not. I am a citizen of Mizuho." I gazed intently at the pouring rain and the crooked shadow of the trees. "I want to use this knowledge… this shadow… this _life _to change the flaws of the Mizuho culture. I don't want to see any more Mizuho children to grow up sheltered and emotionless like my young self. I want to see them become confident and fearless ninjas like my older self." I smiled happily and wiped the tears from my eyes. "Why should I try to change the world when I have yet to change something so much closer and personal to me? A gardener must care for that single wilting rose before she can proceed to the rest of her garden of daisies, roses, and lilies." I noticed the rain stopped now. The sun was rising for a new day through the clearing clouds. The long night was over. "I should go back to my home as soon as possible. I am very homesick."

"What about us?" Zelos asked at last.

I gave him a soft kiss and stood up, ready to leave. Grabbing my belongings and taking a few steps outside, I finally saw my shadow clearly in front of me due to the morning sun. My days of risking for my life and for my love were over. I did not how to feel about this. It was like an ending and a beginning at the same time. On one hand, I felt like I returned to the beginning to a single girl devoted to her village. But then on the other hand, I also felt like I was setting out on a new journey to change my village for the better through the eyes of an adventurous girl who risked everything to save the world and the soul of a passionate girl who felt the presence of only one man's shadow in her heart forever. It was then I knew the answer to Zelos's question.

Smiling back at him, I said a classic line he knew too well:

"Whatever will be, will be."

**Ending Notes: **The tone of this one-shot is quite reminiscent of "Crying Without Tears" for some reason. Maybe it's the rain. Also, I decided to leave this one-shot short due to lack of time and lack of ideas on how to expand it. This is probably the shortest one-shot I did in a loooong time. Hopefully, I will write up more one-shots during this month. If this one-shot somehow spark a special Sheelos interest in you and you just have to write something, please do! I am counting on devoted writers and fans to write Sheelos for this month to revive the Symphonia section. Make sure to add onto our number in the summary. I am counting on a couple of Sheelos writers to start a number 2 fanfic already. Again, thank you! And… triple sorries for any typos or grammar mistakes! No time to reread. XD Anyway, **R & R**!


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